As the fog lifts and I begin to interact more with those around me, I’m less starry-eyed about this adventure.
Letting go of people, placed and things has not been easy for me. Making the decision to let go is not too hard. Actually doing it, however, is a process.
It recently come to my attention that I truly believe I am not enough; not for others and not for myself. At 46 years of age, you would think I already knew this about myself. Perhaps I did, logically. But it hit my heart yesterday when I was in therapy exploring my overriding feelings of guilt and shame.
When I looked at what I do to feed into this belief, I saw with the clearest eyes that I cared about others perception and judgement of me. So much so. that it would be impossible for me or anyone else to measure up to everyone out there. Then I realized I have people in my life who validate my belief that I am not enough.
As a result, I have chosen to reset my personal opinion of myself on a daily basis. Throughout the day, I have to tell myself, “I am enough”. Enough for what or who doesn’t matter. I am enough just by being; just by breathing. And I am choosing to accept that giving myself time each day does not come with a deadline. It is an indefinite action. And then my favorite new choice is to live life with an exclamation instead of an explanation.
I owe "me" more to myself than I do others.
So as the new year approaches, I am choosing to load new personal settings!
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