I originally got clean & sober on 03/14/1988. Somewhere around 1994 or 1995 (you'll learn I am horrible with dates) I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder.
About a year and a half ago, after 21 years clean and sober, I picked up a drink; then another and another. It didn't take long before the progression of addiction became apparent in my everyday life. The day I picked up that first drink I knew exactly what I was doing. One drink was going to be too many and a thousand could never be enough. It was not lost on me that Pandora's box had been opened. I simply did not care anymore. I was no longer spiritually, emotionally or mentally fit so instead of dealing with my life, I needed to erase it one drink at a time, one pill at a time.
The Saturday after Thanksgiving this year, I started drinking so early that I don't even know when then blackout started. My first recollection is being in the ER on suicide watch sometime after midnight. Being there wasn't a shock as I'd had thoughts and half-assed attempts at suicide for the past three months. The events that lead me to the ER were completely unknown to me.
They finally let me call me husband to tell him where I was. His phone was on silent so he never heard the calls. He awoke at 2:30 a.m. only to discover me missing. He was well aware of my downward spiral, as of late, so he panicked thinking I had already gone off and killed myself somewhere. After a few minutes of shear panick, he checked his cell phone and heard my messages.
As best as we can figure, I got out of bed after my husband fell asleep, drank what was left of the Vodka, turned all of my purses upside down to locate my insurance card then called the crisis line on the front of the card. I must have met the paramedics (?) out front so the dogs wouldn't bark. I think I wanted to silently go where I could get help. I was so sick and tired and being sick and tired.
Apparantly, I made it out of the house wearing only one boot and with one nasty knot and bruises on and around my chin.
My next stop was detox.
More to follow.....
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